TEMPERATURES
60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on.
50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat.
45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians
shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.
35 degrees - Italians cars don't start.
32 degrees - Water freezes.
30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia.
25 degrees - Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably,
Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming.
20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless,
New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation
farther south.
15 degrees - French cars don't start, cat insists on sleeping
in your bed with you.
10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
5 degrees - American cars don't start.
0 degrees - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 degrees - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut
when you step outside.
-15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build
an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects,
Miami residents cease to exist.
-20 degrees - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you,
politicians actually do something about the homeless,
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't
start.
-25 degrees - Too cold to think, you need jumper cables to
get the driver going.
-30 degrees - You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish
cars don't start.
-40 degrees - Californians disappear, Minnesotans button
top button, Canadians put on sweater, your car helps you
plan your trip South.
-50 degrees - Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close
the bathroom window.
-80 degrees - Polar bears move south, Green Bay Packer
(and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game.
-90 degrees - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
-100 degrees - Hell freezes over, Clinton finally tells all.
Kenneth Starr moves in with Monica. Alaskans button top button.
Santa moves operations to Panama.
