The Dumbest Things Ever Said In Court
Lloyd Duhaime wishes to thank (or blame?) the American 'Lectric Law Library, from whom some of the following are reproduced. He also to thank lawyer Alan D. Humbert of Watertown, Massachusetts, from whose home page we originally saw (and loved) the list and from whom we have since received additional material for Dumbest Things Ever Said In Court. The following questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records. If any readers know of any other real dumb or dumber things said in court, of the caliber of those below, please e-mail us and we'll add them to our list unless, of course, they were utterred or said to have been uttered or otherwise emanating from the vocal chords of Lloyd Duhaime of Victoria, BC.
Now, in all fairness to the poor lawyers immortalized below as complete idiots, readers should be aware that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that the slightest inadvertence is on record for posterity.
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
What happened then?
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Were you alone or by yourself?
What is the meaning of sperm being present?
Can you describe the individual?
How long have you been a French Canadian?
How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
So you were gone until you returned?
She had three children, right?
You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Lawyer: What device do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol content?
Have you lived in this town all your life?
All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown?
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